Why Our Kids Become Aggressive

My beautiful little boy has become aggressive & annoying.  He's roaring like a lion at everyone, hitting out at his friends and threw a train at another child's head at playgroup this week.  Marvellous......

How are yours?  Are any of them acting up & lashing out?  It's bloody irritating isn't it?!

George is 2 years & 8 months, so this behaviour is 'normal'.  But it's still incredibly frustrating!  And embarrassing (especially at playgroup where I had just been talking about how amazing Aware Parenting / Parenting by Connection is!!).

So if your child is also being 'challenging' (the euphemism for being a complete pain in the a***!), it's really worth considering:

WHY?

For George, this comes off the back of 3 weeks where my main focus was being with my mum.  Yes I was with him, but I wasn't that focused on him.  Which led to 2 consequences:

1. I haven't given him enough attention
2. He hasn't had enough opportunity to cry or tantrum with me.

1. Attention

People often describe kids as "just doing it for attention" and then decide that the best way to deal with the situation is to not give the child any attention, so that they learn not to behave like that.

Which is a bit like realising our children are becoming whiney because they're hungry, and refusing to give them food.

Attention = connection.  And it's vital for all of us, particularly our children.

So when your child is playing up because they're wanting your attention, the best way to deal with the behaviour, is to give them your loving attention.

2. Crying

By giving our attention, this can sometimes lead to a tantrum or a big cry.  Although it seems like a negative, it's actually incredibly helpful.

Crying allows our children to release any stress they've been carrying - ranging from everyday things, to a bigger hurt.

I usually listen to George daily around nap or bed time, or when I set a limit.

By me not really doing so for 3 - 4 weeks, he's got a LOT of pent up upset feelings which are needing an outlet.

So that outlet has become roaring like a lion, kicking his best friend, and throwing a train at another child.  None of which are helpful or endearing strategies!

So next time your child is being aggressive, before you react, stop to think of what's really causing it and try to move in with connection - including play - and listening to upset feelings.